Stuttering: I have come a long way!

When I was little, I began to develop stuttering. It was neither too bad nor concerning, alhamdulillah I was okay and healthy but it is an interesting experience. I don't know since when but I remembered when I was about 6, I tried to tell a story to my friend. I was talking in Javanese. The story started with the word "tak ceritani", which means "let me tell you something". I remembered I couldn't get that word "ceritani" out. I kept repeating the word "tak" and then just stuck somewhere at the beginning of the c. I also remember being in elementary school, my friend was being funny and I was trying to tell him that he was GR, pronounced geh err. GR means "overly confident". Apparently I couldn't get the R out and just stuck with "ge...ge...ge...ge" over and over. One of my friends said that she thought I was trying to bark lol.

During my entire school life, sometimes I got concerned about my stuttering, especially when I was told to read something out loud or speak in front of everyone. The funny thing is, even now my stuttering subsides when I'm talking in English, even at times disappears completely. It gets worse however, when I talk in my native languages which are Javanese and Indonesian, Indonesian is the worst. I can get by reading Javanese text out loud better than Indonesian. Oh and by the way it disappears completely when I'm singing, which is cool otherwise I'd have ruined the choir.

The things I notice about my stuttering nowadays is that I've got better compared to how I used to be. However I still talk in an irregular speed. Sometimes my speech gets blocked and sometimes it rushes. It's like when you try to squeeze a bag of whipped cream through a very small opening. At first it won't come out but then you put too much force and the cream rush out. Sometimes I still repeat syllables, very very rarely though (I discovered this when I was trying to tell my sister that I don't stutter anymore lol).

Last night I decided to ask some of my friends about my stuttering. I wonder if they noticed. Some of us have been friends since elementary school so I guessed they'd be able to tell if my stuttering has improved. My elementary school friends said that I did used to stutter back then in elementary school, but now I don't. One of them said that instead of stuttering, I'm now talking too fast. My friend since high school said that sometimes I do have pauses at the beginning of my speech, but it gets better once I continue the sentence. The other said that I don't stutter when giving spontaneous and happy reactions but I stutter when talking about more serious matter. My friend who has been living with me during college said that i don't stutter as much, she even said that lately I don't stutter anymore. I'm so happy hearing their opinions.

About two years ago, I took an IELTS simulation test. During the speaking part, I had to have a conversation about a certain topic with an examiner. It started out smoothly, I was able to tell a decent amount of information and vocabulary regarding the topic. BUT THEN we reached a point when I had to talk about space and documentaries oh boy here we go. I was too excited so I stuttered here and there, sigh. The speaking score was indeed my lowest score. To be fair, he also subscribed to all of my favorite youtube channels and even recommend me one so I had every right to be overly excited hahaha . Here's a funny story, somehow I forgot the word "impossible" so I used "un-do-able" instead HAHAHAHAHAHA is that even a word. I was indeed super confused.

Okay that's all for now. I think I've come a long way and maybe soon my stuttering will get better and better until finally one day it will disappear. If you want to know, my little trick to improve my stuttering is by singing "Kera Sakti"s opening song. I used to struggle but now I ace all those raps yay! My message for fellow stutterer, don't think about it too much, don't let it burden you, take your time. If you're concerned, seek help from professionals.

In order for this post to at least be informative, I have researched a little bit about stuttering and found these two little videos. They're short but informative. I hope you'll enjoy!